The European Union
commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the
preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of negotiations, her Majesty Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what
will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c"
will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
"ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the
stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal
of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre
that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraful, and they would
go.
By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by
"z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trobls or
difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
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