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1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.".......

2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my a**!"

3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

4.Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

5. Maxine on "The Perfect Man" - 'All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

6. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."

7. Maxine on "Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the ass twice."

8. Maxine on "Aging" -"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large Margarita."    

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