Retirement Of Aged People Early

As a result of automation, as well as a declining workload, all departments must, of necessity, take steps to reduce the work force. A "Reduction in Force" plan has been developed which appears to be the most equitable method under the circumstances.

Under the "Reduction in Force" plan, older employees will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of the department.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via early retirement will be placed into effect immediately. This program shall be known as R.A.P.E., (Retire Aged People Early).

All employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity of seeking lesser positions within the department, provided that while they are being RAPED they request a review of their employment status before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called S.C.R.E.W., (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

As a further step in the program, all employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for a final employment review. This review is to be referred to as S.H.A.F.T., (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Corporate policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice but may receive the SHAFT as many times as the department deems necessary and appropriate.

To clarify this a little further, an Aged Employee is one who has four or more years of service with the company.

Signed: The Management
cc: All Department Heads and Section Managers