Best Fruit Cake Ever

  Ingredients:

1 or 2 quarts Whiskey
1 cup butter                   
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt                    
4 large eggs                 
1 cup dried fruit            
1 tsp. baking powder    
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup of nuts
1 oz of lemon juice

  Mixing Instructions:

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality.  Good, isn't it?  Now go ahead.  Select a large mising bowl, measuring cup, etc.  Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.  To be sure whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.  Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 tsp. of thugar and beat again.  Meanwhile, make sure that the siskey is of the finest quality.  Cry another cup.

Open the second quart is necessary.  Add the 2 arge eggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat till high.  If druit gest stuck in the beaters, juse pry it loose with a drewscriver.  Sample the whiskey again, checking for toxscisticity.

Next sift 3 cups of the salt or anything: it really doesn't matter.  Sample the whiskey.  Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice.

Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.  Add one babblespoon of the brown thugar, or whatever color you can find and wix mel.

Grease oven and turn cake to 350 degrees.  Now pour the whole mess into the coven and bake.  Check whiskey again, and go to bed.