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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and
goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, mets by St. Peter himself. However, the gates
are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot
about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been
administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are short, but you have to
pass them before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me
about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as
it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test has only three questions. Here
is the first one: What days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds
are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter,
who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions
over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin with the letter
"T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking,
but...you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that
answer.
"How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a
year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that
and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you
come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. .
. . .
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I
see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll have to give you
credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me
God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can
understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in
the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learned it
from the song. . .
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN..."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run, Forrest, run."
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