As I was making my daily journey to the Post Office the other day, I
patiently waited for a car to vacate a parking space near the door. As the rear of the
vehicle came toward me, I noticed a bumper sticker that read, in big, bold letters,
"THANK ME. I VOTED CLINTON-GORE."
Of course, the bumper
sticker was printed in response to an earlier sticker that adorned some automobiles almost
eight years ago. Back then, as Presidents Bill and Hillary were attempting to nationalize
healthcare and play havoc with the discipline and fiber of the military, "Don't Blame
Me. I Voted For Bush" was the message on many bumpers. Hence, the "Thank
Me.." message came in response.
Pondering the message of
the brave, stubborn soul in the car ahead of me, I considered all the things I could be
thankful for as a result of the Clinton-Gore regime. Indeed, I discovered the list was
long and varied. So, it is to that fellow who has not yet discovered a razor blade and
Goo-Be-Gone, I offer a hearty "Thank you!" Yes, Thank
you so much Bill Clinton!
for introducing us to Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski and about two dozen
other names that we might not have met and known otherwise.
for allowing a war hero and the author of one of the most successful military campaigns in
military history to leave the presidency because, no matter how successful he was, we, in
all our moral outrage, just wouldn't tolerate someone who would lie to the American people
by promising "no new taxes" and then going back on his word. We certainly can't
have a liar in the White House, now can we?
for showing all the men and women in America that sexual harassment in the work place, and
on the job, is okay as long as it involves powerful middle-age executives and the young
women half their age under their power. It is, after all, a "private matter."
for revealing that the agenda of the National Organization for Women only includes some
women. Women like Anita Hill, and not women like Paula Jones, Monica Lewinski, et. al.
for allowing us to come to the realization that "sexual relations" is not
clearly defined after all. And all these years, I thought that "oral sex" really
had something to do with sex! (Imagine!) (Or is it Oral Sex when you talk about it . . .?)
for giving us a president who discusses his choice of underwear with teenagers. We always
wondered if presidents wore boxers or briefs.
for installing a man who reminds us of those good old days of pot smoking (without
inhaling, of course) and war protesting.
for showing us that the ridiculous plot of the movie, "Wag the Dog," could
really be plausible after all.
for reintroducing the concept of "impeachment" to a new generation that missed
the discussion surrounding it the last time it was brought up.
for curing me of my addiction to the evening news.
for reminding us that the government that gave us the Internal Revenue Service and
welfare, also lusts for control of the greatest health care system in the world.
for reminding us that the FBI, who has a file on millions of Americans, including myself,
can give those files to people powerful enough to demand them.
for reminding us that, when all is said and done, character really, really does matter.
And, in comparison: Thank
you for making Dan Quayle look like the smartest man in America. Thank
you for making Jimmy Carter look competent. Thank you for making
Gerald Ford look graceful. Thank you for making Richard Nixon look
honest. Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful. Thank
you for making John Kennedy look moral. Thank you for making Al
Gore look positively presidential.
for reminding us of the importance of term limits.
And really, Thank
you not once, but twice! Why, if it was not for you, instead of the current,
interesting discussion all over the television networks and newspapers, we would be
focused on a whole slew of trivial matters such as giving secrets to China in exchange for
campaign contributions, global defense, the economy, nukes in North Korea, genocide in
Africa & Kosovo, the containment of terrorism, and all those other boring topics.
So, Thank you,
Thank you, Thank you! Since Bill Clinton took office,
here are some of the good things that have happened: 1) 72 House and Senate witnesses have
pled the Fifth Amendment. 2) 17 witnesses have fled the country to avoid testifying. 3) 19
foreign witnesses have refused to be interviewed by US investigative bodies. 4) 19 charges
from Whitewater investigations, 4 convictions from Whitewater investigations, 8
imprisonment's from Whitewater investigations
.. 55 total charges in all Clinton
scandals, 32 total convictions (so far) in all Clinton scandals, 14 total imprisonment's
(sofar) in all Clinton scandals. 5) 938 overnight stays at the White House for Clinton
supporters. 6) $48 million - cost of Starr's 5-Year investigation. 7) $49 million - cost
of Clinton's 10 day trip to China.
Yes, it's been an
interesting 8 years for "the most ethical administration in the history of the