Someday, a long time from now, President Clinton finishes his time on
earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill
Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the
Saint. "But first you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in
Clinton bites his lip and
answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it dope-smoking because I
didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extramarital relationships - but you can't call it
adultery because I didn't have full 'sexual relations.' And I made some statements that
were misleading but legally accurate - you can't call it bearing false witness because, as
far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that St. Peter consults
the Book of Life briefly, and declares, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you
somewhere hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't
call it eternity.' And when you enter you don't have to 'abandon all hope,' just don't
hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."