Military Humor

 
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
  If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
  If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
  If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
  If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and
  the little hand is on the 3.
  If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday
  afternoon."

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Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.

Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

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Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first Marine said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second Marine said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

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"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."

"Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"