The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a proxy or
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by
chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. I've come to....".
"Oh, no need to
explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the
photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my
husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked,
blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and
perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really
spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room
floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of
us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of
..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of
work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know
it.", Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his
briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top
of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!"
Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins
turned out exceptionally well-when you consider their mother was so difficult to work
with."
"She was difficult
?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I
finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding
around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five
deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the
photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling-I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to
rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed
it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward.
"You mean they actually chewed on your, um..equipment ?"
"That's right. Well
madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use
a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam?
Ma'am?...Good Lord, she's fainted!"
