|AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 13)|
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On
the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the
same mistake over and over again. People think you are stupid.
PISCES (Feb. 14 - March 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You
have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for your flaunting of your
power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible
things to small animals.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered,
impatient and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most
people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are a Communist.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual.
However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap.
Geminis are known for committing incest.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a
sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you'll never make anything of
yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.
LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are
bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo
people are known thieves.
VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends.
You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virqos
make qood bus drivers.
LIBRA ( Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you
are more than likely queer. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most
Libra women are good Prostitutes. All Libras die of Venereal Diseases.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec.
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since
you lack talent. The majority of Sagittariuss are drunks or dope fiends. People
laugh at you a great deal.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan.
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything and are
lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid
standing still too long as they tend to take root and become trees.