Idiot #1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset
because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave
her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I
told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency
room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took
it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was
homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft
is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Idiot #3
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote
"this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left
the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill
out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.
Idiot #4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture of handcuffs.
Idiot #5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag
as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still
refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that
he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot #6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Idiot #7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on videotape. | |
