A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular,
and your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the
course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus
replied, "The holes are numbered."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said,
"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence
come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still
have mine"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said,
"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks
of your wife at all," ;
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest
pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and
asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a
drink."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a
bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old
granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an
explanation. He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards." |
