| Attention: Mr. Customer In accordance with company policy, we are pleased to
announce that you received merchandise with the same high quality standards afforded all
our customers, and we feel you are extremely chicken-shit on returning this stuff,
particularly since we did not authorize the return.
You know damned well we have a
comprehensive and equitable Returned Goods Policy, and you will play hell receiving credit
unless this policy is strictly adhered to.
We ship whatever the hell comes off the
production line, and regardless if it meets specifications or not is beside the point. We
are reasonably confident our packaging contains the proper materials a good share of the
time, which is exactly what you ordered. By God, no one is perfect. I'd like to see your
production area some time. I'll bet you have a shit-pot full of problems too.
Incidentally, you have really pissed off
our scheduling and production people with your arbitrary statements regarding late
delivery. After all, your last order was only three months overdue, which is a helluva lot
better than most of our customers got. What the hell do you expect?
On future orders, we suggest you favor us
with a higher dollar volume, and we will bust our ass. With this type of volume, we can
guarantee a maximum late order condition of two months. . . how's that for a thirty-day
improvement.
As a valued customer, it is certainly your
privilege to request we check future orders more closely for requested shipping dates, but
your prickish attitude will, we are confident, result in our shipping so damned late you
will be in such a bind that you will gladly accept any old shit we want to get rid of.
By the way, don't give us any crap about
order cancellations, we're already in production. We could, however, see our way clear to
stop production if you will pay 90% cancellation charges. Otherwise, tough shit.
In summary, you work with us, and we will
work with you. But!! Don't pull that irate customer shit on us. We have been down that
path before.
Warm personal regards,
Customer Service Manager
P. S. You screwed up again when you
insisted our part doesn't resemble your specification drawing. BULLSHIT!! Your drawing
isn't even close to our part. We knew there was 1-1/2" difference between part and
drawing, which we consider minor and totally insignificant. Why don't you get on your
Engineer's ass for a change. | 
