WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied,
"but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil
thing I could do to him."
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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling
hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid
of a spider.
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SECTIONAL, SCHMECTIONAL
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger
salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional," she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an
occasional piece in the living room!"
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HEY! WAIT A MINUTE...
I said to my wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made
love to every woman in our road except one."
And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23."
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DIFFERENT IDEAS
A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman
in the world!"
The woman says, dryly, "I'll miss you."
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NO CABBAGE FOR YOU
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner,
had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable
patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead!"
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