One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT? What was that?" So she says the words that every husband on the
planet dreads to hear... "You're
just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your
physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying,
"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the
bedroom?"Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day
off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at
Neiman Marcus.
I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told
her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new
clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went on to the jewelry dept. where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short
of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop
when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction
from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, I think
this is all dear, lets go to the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I
blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely
blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT? "
I then said "Really honey! I just want
you to HOLD this stuff for awhile...You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a
man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for
the things I buy you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell
while monkeys fly out of her butt.
