The First Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame
them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.
Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw
on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass
and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
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"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we
had sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying S.O.B.! You've been playing
golf!!"
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The Second Affair:
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying,
the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine
months later.
The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was
horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that
there was no way he could be the father of that child.
"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look
and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Final Affair:
Jake was dying.
His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up,
and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"Becky, my darling," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said.
"Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something
that I must confess."
"There isn't any need to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's
all right, go to sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," whispered
Becky. "That's why I poisoned you."
