I, John/Jane Doe, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be
kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate
be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if
their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it
should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is
reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug,
reel in the tubes and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me
on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn
business, and pay attention instead to the health, education, and future of the millions
of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma or vegitated state.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case I don't care how many
fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008,
it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die
in peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which
they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't
authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own damn
business.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I
hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell!
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