1. I always wanted
To have someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After meeting you ...
I changed my mind.
2. I must admit,
You brought religion into my life ...
I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.
3. As the days go by,
I think how lucky I am ...
That you're not here
To ruin it for me.
4. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.
5. Someday I hope to marry ...
Someone other than you.
6. Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age ...
7. When we were together,
You said you'd die for me.. .
Now we've broken up,
I think it's time
To keep your promise.
8. We've been friends for a very long time ...
What do you say we stop?
9. I'm so miserable without you ...
It's almost like you're still here.
10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. .
Did you ever find out who the father was?
11. You are such a good friend
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket ...
I'd miss you terribly
And think of you often.
12. Your friends and I wanted
to do something really special
for your birthday. . . .
So we're having you put to sleep.
13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and
14. Looking back o'er the years
We've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
What was I thinking?
15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
Guess you didn't tell this one that you have genital herpes.
16. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
Have such an ugly baby?
Comment or Share Your Own One Liner
in your email every week!
We respect your privacy. You can unsubscribe at any time.