1. If you are choking on an
ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The
blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply use the sink
instead.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing
the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and
going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to
cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the
tooth ache.
Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two
tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and
shouldn't, use the duct tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I
apologize" and "You are right."
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
Never pass up an opportunity to potty.
If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are
going to need them to empty your bedpan.
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