1. Pull your droopy pants up. You
look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I
drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out
of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20
and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000
Cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious Holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
9. We open doors for women. Applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order
steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds
of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
Picante Sauce! ! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in
Cincinnati call that stuff you eat..IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was
born and bred in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my
house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and
have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --
It spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas.
They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and
Country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come For
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines,
than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you
do, you will get whipped by the very best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United
States can't Make it without Texas!". Texas is the greatest
state ever! If you're from Texas you're one bad hombre!