1.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Â
2. He who
laughs last, thinks slowest. Â
3. A day
without sunshine is like, well, night. Â
4. On the
other hand, you have different fingers. Â
5. Change
is inevitable, except from a vending machine.Â
6. Back up
my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? Â
7. I just
got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. Â
8. When
the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Â
9. Seen it
all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Â
10. Those
who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Â
11. I feel
like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Â
12. He's
not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged. Â
13. She's
always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. Â
14. You
have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Â
15. I
wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Â
16. Honk
if you love peace and quiet. Â
17. Pardon
my driving. I'm reloading. Â
18.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Â
19.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. Â
20. It is
hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost
of living. Â
21. Just
remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Â
22. The
50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90%
probability you'll get it wrong. Â
23. It is
said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try and pass them. Â
24. You
can't have everything, where would you put it? Â
25. Latest
survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. Â
26. If the
shoe fits, get another one just like it. Â
27. The
things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Â
28. Give a
man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat
all day drinking beer.Â
29.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Â
30. Shin:
A device for finding furniture. Â
31. As
long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Â
32. A fine
is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Â
33. It was
recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Â
34.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. Â
35. I
wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. Â
36. I
started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. Â
37. When
you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart
enough to get out of jury duty. Â
38. Light
travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them
speak. |